There have been a lot of misunderstandings about my situation recently. At the start of the year I had an episode after doing a lot research on tech singularity which made me freak out big time.
I experienced a physiological reaction which was more akin to being spiked by something (enzymes is a possibility) which activated a surge of hormones in my bloodstream. I had had a procedure done to my cervix some months prior, in the region where hormones are manufactured. There is scientific evidence online backing this interpretation of events where a surge of hormones can skew the perceptions of a person by distorting the causal factors of this sudden change in body state. For instance I was extremely senstive to the cold when this occured and was convinced that the atomsphere outside had changed and rendered it unsafe. Once my bloodpressure had returned back to normal, my intense sense of fear and agitation subsided and I was able to regain fully a sense of lucid awareness.
My mother was already feeling the strain of a communication breakdown between myself and her over the months after my brother’s sudden unexpected death where he was struggling with extreme OCD. She has relied on mental health services for the management of my brother and sister over two decades. It’s been her go to destination for any problems. We don’t have any mutual family or friends who could mediate a resolution to some of our disagreements. So my mother’s kneejerk reaction was to send me to the ‘nut house’ so that she could get respite from my presence (we had been sharing a home for 3 years with hardly any breaks or vacations away from one another – made worse by the pandemic’s mobility restrictions).
I was sectioned on the order of people who I’d never met before who visited the house and who did not respect the hypocratic oath and then promptly desectioned by an upstanding psychiatrist who was honest and fair in his assessment. Upon my release my mother refused to take me back and then did everything to remove agency from me.
I could not get access to any of my possessions. I was told that I was allowed to pack a few belongings to go stay with a friend for a short period with a view of coming back and sorting my things through. This did not happen, instead my mother was being instructed to make my life as difficult as possible by the same man who acted as ‘helper’ for the inquest of the death of both my siblings.
I’m extremely worried because she had been getting a lot of advice from someone working in mental health services who had been giving her a lot of advice about my siblings but had never met them in the 5 years they were advising my mother about the ‘best care’ for them.
My mother doesn’t realise or appears indiffirent that this person was able to pull strings behind the scenes (requesting access to my medical files..ect) to bend the rules so as to blackmail my release on the condition of providing a scan (he was in communication with a dodgy speicalist doctor who was breaking protocols while her supperior who had told me there were no further commitment required and I was free to leave was no longer present to supervise that rules were being respected).
I’m worried that my mother has been controlled by someone very calculating and with a lot of reach who doesn’t care about mental health patients (he was advising her to chuck me out onto the street) but instead has been instrumental in taking as much agency from me as possible.
Both my parents are elderly and not very streetwise. My father has barely had any impact on my life other than throw abuse at me whenever I asked him for help with dealing with my sister.
I’m concerned that this situation is being exploited right now to the absolute detriment of my best interests and safety. Since being chucked out, without acess to my things, unable to help myself, I have lost all my reference points. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life and I am genuinely terrified of these troubling developements where the people surrounding my mother are actually enabling and reinforcing the erronous narrative presented by my mother who has been heavily influenced by this man who never met either of my siblings but seemed to have an enormous amount of influence over the provisions of their medical ‘care’. Both my siblings passed away in the midst of debilitating and severe cognitive impairments. My sister had left a note saying ‘there’s something wrong with my brain and I cannot cope with this’. My brother had absconded to Germany in the days preceeding his death in order to detox from the meds which were making his OCD so bad as to want to take his own life.
My wish list is as follows:
I’m homeless right now, I’ve been given no money, no support and both my parents’ misunderstanding of the situation and self-serving hatred of being relied upon as parents has lead to both of them colluding together be viscous towards me, actively unhelpful and distrusting. And the people in my family have reinforced the travesty that’s been playing out (see reference below).
So my uttermost wish is that I would like people – friends and acquaintances (anyone with a decent heart and conscience) to communicated to them that I’m vulnerable and that treating me so poorly after everything I have done to support my mother during the pandemic and other stressful family events. All of this ill treatment in my regards, this is not right and extremely unkind. I would like if possible that people help me with funding just to survive while I don’t have options. I presently cannot register on Universal Credit because I’ve been rendered homeless and I’m too scared to go back home while this man who has so much power over mental health services is able to control my mother. I also don’t have the necessary paperwork to make process a claim. And both my parents seem incapable of understanding that they’ve sabotaged my attempts of regaining a sense of trust and agency by refusing to take in the reality of the situation.
I would like friends who care about me and who genuinely are concerned with my safety to help me find a proactive solution which doesn’t hadicap me further but instead expediates a resolution that is beneficial to all parties with due consideration of my needs with realistic expectations.
My mother’s friends and family should be concerned that my mother has been controlled by someone who was monitoring the demise of both my siblings while never ever having shown any care to meet with them. The manner in which he instructed my mother to remove agency from me should be treated with great suspicion and as proof that this man does not care about the distress he inflicts on people seeking mental health services.
I would like whoever who cares to made a difference to contact my mother and try to make her understand why she’s being so unhelpful and help her see that the man who suggested throwing me out onto the street does not have the best interest of the ‘care’ of people who’ve struggled with mental heatlh. My mother is currently completely under the spell of this person and feels that I’ve been taking over her life.
But anyone who looks into this closely will see that I’ve been helping my mother all along during extremely painful events with next to no support. They will also understand that I’ve been very badly treated and that I should be given some support instead of having total agency taken away from me.
Afterthought
This is a desperately sad situation and it’s also very critical. The reason I’m resorting to sharing all this publically is because I’m living so much on the edge at the moment. I don’t know how to survive this without summoning help in this desperate manner, sharing my story with anyone who will care to read it. I’m literally only a few steps away from ending up on the street begging to strangers in the freezing cold, exposing myself to unsavoury characters exploiting women in difficulty. This entire thing has been complete ordeal for me – a never ending nightmare – and I’m just exhausted and would appreciate the help of anyone who can help me turn this situation around.
In the following correspondence with my godmother (reference below), I am being vilified and grossely misrepresented by my father who has provided no help for me over many years and has been instructing me to take measures which presently are impossible for me (can’t apply for universal credit while homeless without adequate documentation – also the situation is totally irrational and he should have been instrumental to turning it around to secure my safety and wellbeing instead of enabling this irrational and agency removing terrible situation).
He’s so angry towards me that he has lost the ablity to think rationally and has called me a ‘dried up bitch’ in the past, says I always ask for money. Which is strange because he’s only ever given me £250 when my sister died throughout my adult years and has always had a pathological avoidance of parting with any funds, no matter how desperate and critical the situation has been for me or my sister.
I’ve been cleared of mental health diagnosis. I’m eloquent and articulate, my ability to explain the compexity and distressing nature of my situation is testatment to this. I have used my ‘talents’ to ‘analyse’ the situation and have come to the conclusion that I’m being very hard done by and my mother has been manipulated by a calculating man who has exploited my mother’s fragile psychology so as to mavouever a total removal of agency from me – the only person who has born witness to the difficuties expressed by both my siblings.
Mental health stigma is real, people will conflate the mental illness of one member of the family with another. People will project mental illness on people before first checking whether or not the facts presented to them back this claim. It’s been very dispirting for me to find the people who I have have turned to for help have been so intend on pushing a narrative which is both inaccurate and extremely unjust. The fact of the matter is, when you turn to someone for reinforcement, it’s easier for them to throw the problem back in your face than to be confronted with a problem which requires time and investment.
Please help if you can. You can contact me by phone or by email. Right now, at this most critical time, I require access to the safety of a room amongst the company of friends. I need funds in order to be able to travel to these temporary refuges and I also need funds so as to be able to eat and subsist.
If you’re able to put me up for a few days or a week. I would be so grateful, likewise, if you have any contributions to offer – they would act as a lifeline as I try to summon more assistance.
